If you have a friend or family member who has experienced pregnancy loss, your support can mean the world. The right words can make a difference, but it's not always easy to know what to say to someone who had a miscarriage. The key is showing empathy and offering emotional support without placing expectations on the person experiencing the loss. We all grieve in different ways, after all.
While there are definitely things you don't want to say to someone going through this type of challenge, the very fact that you're thinking about how to phrase your support means you've got this. Learn some ways you can show you care and offer comfort in a text, note, phone call, or conversation.
What to Say After a Miscarriage to Show They Aren't Alone
Losing a baby can feel super isolating, especially if the person doesn't know a lot of others who have gone through this. While it's not appropriate to share details about your own pregnancy loss or others you know right away, there are some things you can say that indicate they don't have to go through this alone:
- I'm thinking of you, and I'm always here if you need to talk.
- You're on my mind now more than ever.
- I'm so sorry for what you're going though right now. I'm here.
- I am happy to listen or just sit in silence with you. You aren't alone.
- I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I'll check in from time to time, and I really want you to tell me if you need some company.
- I know it's been a while since you lost the pregnancy, but I just wanted to check in and let you know I haven't forgotten. How are you doing?
Things to Say to Offer Comfort After a Pregnancy Loss
If you're writing a card or sitting down with a friend or family member going through this challenge, there are a few things you can say that can be incredibly comforting. Try one of these:
- I know how much you already cared about this baby. I care about you, and I'm here.
- Loss, in all its forms, is so difficult. Please know I'm thinking of you.
- Our strength shows most when we have to endure the loss of our hopes and dreams. There's no weakness in grief.
- You are one of the most amazing people I know, and I'm really sorry you're going through this right now.
- Love is a deep vulnerability, especially when we're faced with loss. It's also a strength. Please feel the support and love of all of us.
- I know I can't really know what you're experiencing right now, but I do know you're a wonderful person and someone I care about deeply. I'm here for you.
Ways to Respond to Someone's Grief After a Miscarriage
Everyone grieves differently, and it's not always easy to know what to say to someone grieving the loss of a pregnancy. People may feel guilty, deeply sad, angry, relieved, or pretty much any other emotion. It's important to show you don't have expectations about this grief response:
- Please know it's okay to cry if you need to. I'm here.
- Take the time you need to process this, however long that is.
- Please treat yourself gently during this time. You're important to me.
- This is so hard, and there's no rule book for how to get through a loss like this. Anything you feel is valid.
- Processing something like this can take time. Please know I'm here with you for as long as you need me.
- This is hard, and anything you feel right now is normal.
Words to Say to Offer Help After a Miscarriage
Offering practical or emotional help is one of the ways you can show your support after a friend or family member loses a pregnancy. You can make a specific offer or a more general show of support with these words:
- I'm so sorry. Would it be okay if I brought dinner over on Tuesday?
- I know you might not know what you need right now, but if you think of anything, I'm here.
- When you're ready to talk, I'd like to come up with some ways I can help you during this time.
- I'm thinking of you right now. Can I help by walking Ginger for the next few days?
- If you want company, I'm here. Please know I love you and want to help in any way I can.
- I can bring you dinner or sit with you in silence. I'm here.
What Not to Say to Someone Who Had a Miscarriage
We're all a little awkward in the face of grief, but there are a few things you should avoid saying to someone experiencing a pregnancy loss:
- You'll try again.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- At least it was early.
- There was probably something wrong with it.
- I know just how you feel.
- This is super common.
- Don't be sad.
- This was God's plan.
Ultimately, it's best to avoid telling someone how to feel or that you know how they are feeling. Try to skip statements about this being the plan or the right thing as well, since it probably doesn't feel that way to the person going through it.
Your Presence and Support Matter
The right words can bring a bit of comfort when a friend has a miscarriage, but your presence and support are what matter most of all. It's okay to say that you're sorry and you simply don't know what to say. And sometimes, the best thing to do is to sit with your loved one in silence. Coping with the death of an unborn baby is deeply difficult, and just being there for your friend or family member is important.