Mother's Day is all about celebrating moms, but it can be a complicated day. If your mom has passed away, she isn't in the picture for another reason, or you've got a different kind of relationship, there are ways to make this day easier. The same goes for if your own dreams of motherhood or experience as a mother haven't felt how you would expect.
Whether and how you celebrate Mother's Day doesn't have to look like everyone else's idea of the holiday. Here are some ways to manage when it's not so simple for you. And if you know someone else in this situation, these tips can help you support them with empathy.
Celebrate on Your Terms (If You Plan to Celebrate at All)
Your Mother's Day might not be like the ones you see on social media, and that's okay. You can celebrate on your own terms, or even do something totally different that day. It's easier to do that if you think about it ahead of time. Ask yourself these questions:
- What does the perfect Mother's Day celebration look like to you?
- What could you do instead of making this about motherhood?
- How can you remove expectations that other people might have for Mother's Day?
- What will help you take care of yourself if you're feeling vulnerable?
Lean on Your Support System
No matter why Mother's Day is complicated for you, this is a good time to turn to the people who support you. Friends and family can help make difficult holidays a little easier — even if it's just by distracting you for a while until the day is over. We're stronger together, after all.
If you're close to someone who might be struggling on Mother's Day, take some time to ask how you can help. That might look like listening, but it could also involve taking them out to a movie or dinner to distract from the day. And there's always the option of a fun alternative celebration that will help create new memories!
Focus on What Makes You Feel Grateful
Gratitude is a good way to cope when things aren't going well. It's not always easy (and it might not even be possible, depending on your situation), but it can make a difference. There are some ways you can try to do this.
- What do you appreciate about your life situation right now?
- Are there things you're grateful for about your mom, even if she's not here?
- Are there other people who stepped in to fill the role of mother to you if your mom wasn't willing or able?
- What important lessons have you learned in your journey that have made you stronger?
Honor Other Mother Figures in Your Life
Even if you can't or don't want to celebrate this day with your own mom, there may be people who fill all or some of that role for you. Giving them a card on Mother's Day or sending a text can mean a lot, especially since they probably already know that it's not a simple holiday for you.
Are any of these people mother figures in your life?
- Aunts
- Grandmas
- Sisters
- Friends
- Mentors or teachers
Channel Your Feelings Into Making a Difference
Whatever you're feeling on Mother's Day is okay, and you can put those feelings to work if you want to. One great option is to volunteer your time. Pick a cause that matters to you (or mattered to your mom) and spend the day helping. Food banks, soup kitchens, community gardens, and youth programs can all benefit from your help, and so can lots of other non-profits.
Give Yourself Plenty of Grace
Ultimately, there's no wrong way for you to manage Mother's Day when it's hard for you. You deserve to be as happy as you can on this day (and every day), so give yourself the grace you deserve. Some situations are just really hard, and this might be one of them for you. Listen to your own needs and lean on the people who care about you.
