If the hustle and bustle of the season is draining your holiday spirit, a few funny Christmas poems might be just what you need to bring back some jolly into your life! In fact, we have plenty of Yuletide poems to entertain the entire family, so take a break and have a chuckle or two.
Funny Christmas Poems to Make Your Season Merry and Bright
From the frustration of stringing Christmas lights to receiving a heavy block of fruitcake, sometimes you just have to shake your head and laugh off the things that happen during the holiday season. Perhaps one of these poems will strike a chord with you!
The Dreaded Christmas Fruitcake
By Kelly Roper
Oh fruitcake, oh fruitcake,
Why are you heavy like a rock?
And why do people keep sending you to me?
I really wish they would stop.
Your texture is like rubber,
And your fruit is chewy like gum.
I think no one would give you as a gift,
If they'd ever eaten some.
I've tried re-gifting you,
But you just keep coming back.
If I have to look at you one more time,
I think my mind will crack.
I really hate to be wasteful,
And I don't like to act rash,
But I can't take it anymore,
You're going into the trash!
The Christmas Tree Light Stringer's Lament
By Kelly Roper
I strung the lights on the Christmas tree,
And gingerly plugged them in.
That's when I noticed a bulb was out,
And my troubles did begin.
I found my box of spare bulbs
In my top workshop drawer.
I quickly changed the bulb,
But then out went two more.
I got two more replacements,
And carefully plugged them in.
Then I gathered all the burnt out bulbs,
And tossed them into the trash bin.
As I walked back to the tree,
The whole string started to blink.
Now this wasn't a twinkle light set,
And my stomach began to sink.
Suddenly, I heard a sizzle,
And then I heard a pop.
Then everything went so silent,
You could have heard a pin drop.
The whole darn string just died.
Not one single bulb remained lit.
So the tree will just have to stay dark this year,
Because this light stringer just quit.
Milk and Cookies for Santa
By Kelly Roper
There's milk and cookies for Santa,
And they look delicious to me.
There are four on a plate on the mantel,
And if I eat one, there will still be three.
Santa's quite a plump fellow,
Looks like he eats well all year through.
If I eat one more of those cookies,
Santa will still have two.
Those cookies have made my mouth dry,
And now I need something to drink.
That milk is still quite chilly,
A few gulps will do it, I think.
Those cookies were oh so tasty.
I don't think my tummy's quite done.
If I only eat one more cookie,
Santa surely can get by with just one.
That last cookie looks so lonely,
He must miss his friends in my tummy.
I'm not sure that I can resist him...
No, I can't, and he's certainly yummy!
Uh-oh, Santa's treat is all gone now.
If I'm caught, I will be in big trouble.
I need to beat feet from the scene of my crime,
And get back into bed on the double!
Never Wait Until Christmas Eve to Wrap
By Kelly Roper
There I sat on Christmas Eve
Amid a big pile of gifts.
Waiting until the last moment to wrap
Was really not too swift.
So I wrapped a bunch of presents,
And then piled them on the floor.
I thought I was about half done,
But suddenly it appeared there were more.
So I began wrapping faster,
And my hands were really flying,
But it seemed no matter how quickly I worked
The unwrapped gifts kept multiplying.
And so I frantically stepped up my pace
As sweat broke out on my brow.
But a look at that pile just made my heart race;
Surely they should all be wrapped by now.
I went right back to my wrapping
And shaking my head in doubt.
How would I finish by morning
When my fingers were about to give out?
And that, my friends, is about the time
That the room began to spin.
I started feeling quite woozy,
So I laid my head down and gave in.
And that's where they found me the next morning,
Passed out amid gifts on the floor.
So believe me when I make this promise;
I won't wait until Christmas Eve anymore.
The Mischievous Elf On the Shelf
By Heidi Butler
'Twas the first day of December,
and who should appear,
but the Elf on the Shelf,
to serve as Santa's little ear.
His assignment is simple:
to report if we are naughty or nice,
but someone should probably tell Santa,
that pranks are this elf's favorite vice.
We have caught him stealing Christmas cookies,
and starting snowball fights.
He is also the mischievous troublemaker,
who keeps tangling all the Christmas lights.
Someone needs to tell this guy,
that the crooks in Home Alone are pretend.
Because all these little booby traps,
are definitely not a way to treat a friend!
Santa's little helper
needs to hurry up and report back,
so that we can get our presents,
and stop dealing with this Christmas maniac!
By Heidi Butler
Toddlers bring us merry and cheer,
throughout much of the calendar year.
But when it comes to Christmas time,
They can be quite a pain in the behind.
Schedules are off,
so meltdowns are many,
These Yuletide tantrums,
are performances that deserve an Emmy.
Don't get me wrong,
they can be good helpers too,
And their excitement over the season,
can deter anyone from feeling blue.
Nevertheless, I wish they would stop undressing my tree,
and opening all the presents without permission from me.
I'd also love for them to stop touching literally everything in the store,
At least life with a toddler at Christmas time is never a bore.
Humorous Poetry Books
When you're ready to curl up by the fire and laugh a little, here are a few humorous, holiday-themed poetry books to enjoy.
- Christmas at the New Yorker is a collection of funny poems, stories, remembrances, and the famous New Yorker cartoons.
- Redneck Night Before Christmas by David Davis casts yet another playful view on this popular demographic.
- Funny Poems for Christmas by Paul Cookson is a popular choice during the holidays, so order early!
- Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney by Kenn Nesbitt features some humorous Christmas poems with an offbeat style.
Humorous Christmas Poems Online
If you're stuck at work or need inspiration for a holiday letter, there are some humorous websites which feature funny Christmas poems that are sure to make you chuckle. Be forewarned though — many of the selections online are a bit risque, so make sure any options you share are age appropriate.
Bookmark these poetry sites for some holiday cheer!
- Peculiar Poetry: This site features short but original poetry. You'll find some novel verses here, including "The Honest Santa Fairy."
- Humor Matters: The examples here are the stuff of e-mail legend. You probably shouldn't forward these to people without their approval, but the delivery method doesn't lessen the impact of the deranged holiday humor. View "The 12 Days After Christmas" as just one example.
These websites contain some poems that are just right for tickling kids' funny bones.
- Robert Pottle: Humorist and performer Robert Pottle writes poems for all holidays, including Christmas. In "Mistletoe Millie," a boy finds a clever but gross way to avoid getting kissed. In "When Santa Came to School," a boy visits with Santa two days in a row with humorous results.
Write Your Own Funny Poems for Christmas
There are many ways to craft a funny Christmas poem if you use the structure of verse you're already familiar with, such as "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." Incorporate family tales, nicknames, travel adventures, and other inside jokes for something truly original. Here's a great example:
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the place,
Were chocolate candy wrappers — no surprise when you look at Tracey's face.
She stayed up late wrapping presents large and small,
And eating all the stocking stuffers, by the look of it all.
Funny Holiday Poems Galore
As you can see, there are many humorous Christmas poems just waiting to be read. If your family truly enjoys them, you can make reading them part of your holiday tradition each year!