Dating in the digital age is an incredibly daunting task, and with the constant pressure to connect and respond using these all-in-one devices in your pockets comes the frantic internet searches happening under your covers asking things like how to text a guy and what to text a guy. Thankfully, the answer is much less complicated than your brain makes it seem, so here are a few tips on how you can really connect with a guy over text messages.
Make a Memorable First Impression
Since the digital world can be overwhelming with the sheer amount of content people are coming into contact with on a daily basis, you want to be sure to make a lasting impression. As it has become all too easy to just swipe someone away or ignore their texts, you want to say something that will keep niggling at the guy you're interested in's brain long after your first meeting. These are a few different suggestions for ways to make your first impression pack a punch.
Offer an Unusual Fun Fact
Sometimes the most interesting people are the most unusual, and giving someone a glimpse into the types of things you're into in lieu of offering a traditional greeting is one way to get their attention.
Use a Cheesy Pickup Line
The cheesier the pickup line, the better; if you can poke fun at some of the more conventional dating methods, you can show him that you're not beholden to a stereotypical romance and that you've got a great sense of humor.
Ask a This-or-That Question
Not only will this give you a bit of insight into the guy's personality, but it also pushes the two of you into an immediate conversation without having to go through the painful normal pleasantries of "hi, how are you."
How to Text a Guy and Not Come on too Strong
Once you've started texting a guy, one of the running debates is about whether to text him back immediately or to wait a while before responding. Similarly, people argue as to how much you can text someone without coming off as too intense. Ultimately, these situations definitely depend on the person you're talking to and how they might interpret your meanings. However, these are a few different texting techniques you can use to bring the deeper parts of your relationship to the forefront.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Be sure that you're asking him open-ended questions that encourage him to reveal anecdotes and pieces from his life which might otherwise not come up in casual conversation. Sharing these details with each other can really strengthen your bond. Some ideas for these open-ended questions include:
- What do you think has been your biggest accomplishment so far?
- What would your childhood self think about who you are right now?
- How did you get involved in [his favorite activity/hobby/sport/trade]?
Clarify When You're Both Available
Psychologist and marriage counselor, Dr. Randi Gunther, explains how important it is for, "couples [to] have clear understandings of when and where they are more likely to be available" because it prevents people from feeling pressure by the lack of or abundance of responses. Something as simple as deliberately asking when someone is available can prevent you from feeling discouraged by the lack of messages or alarmed by the abundance of them. By removing this pressure to immediately communicate, you can open your conversation to develop organically. As psychologist Heather Silvestri admits, "I happen to be 'old school' in several ways, and among them is my strong preference for a more thoughtful and substantive response rather than an immediate (but also perfunctory) one."
Text Him in the Same Way You'd Talk to Him in-Person
This point is super easy to overlook, but as Dr. Gunther explores, "because typing words into a machine takes more time than speaking them, most people use shortcuts and abbreviated cues to get their messages out as quickly as they can"; however, this can be detrimental for when you see this person face-to-face. By shortening your conversations, you're establishing a rhetorical relationship that "lack[s] depth and clarity," according to Dr. Gunther. To prevent this, you can simply speak your whole thoughts into messages, including any colloquial phrases, personal sayings, and sound effects that you might use when speaking in-person. Since so much of communication is understood through body language, you need to work extra hard to impress this authenticity onto the person you're talking to.
Most Importantly, Don't Overthink It
When people are so consumed with thinking about whether something should or shouldn't be said, or if the time is right or wrong, they often miss the opportunity to simply share in a real, human moment with another person. Ultimately, you have to remember that both you and the guy you're talking to are just people, and no person is perfect. So, make sure to be clear, honest, and open with him over your texts and it should be smooth sailing for the two of you.
