When people hear the word "intimate," they often think that it only relates to bedroom conversation, but intimate questions can cover a much wider spectrum. They can concern anything from your childhood dreams to how your partner pictures your future together. You can learn juicy new details about one another and strengthen your bond by sharing parts of yourselves.
There are lots of intimate questions to ask your lover about an array of topics. Find out how they might describe you to someone else, their favorite ways to express love, what they might like to change in your relationship, and lots more. These questions are just the beginning of meaningful conversations that will bring you closer together.
How to Ask Intimate Questions to Build Your Bond
How you ask a question matters almost as much as what you ask. Set the right tone with these tips:
- Don't just spring the question your partner. Instead, make it part of a conversation.
- Create a routine where you and your partner each choose a question off the list to ask one another. You can do this regularly.
- If you're hoping to ask your partner a really juicy question, be prepared to reveal something too. Intimacy comes from both people being vulnerable.
- Find a quiet time when you won't be interrupted. Deep conversations require some privacy.
According to The Gottman Institute, some of the key ways to help build intimacy in a relationship are to connect emotionally, increase intimate communication, show appreciation, and be vulnerable with one another. Asking your partner meaningful questions is one way to do these things and may help you connect with your partner and build your relationship.
General Attraction Questions to Ask Your Partner
There are some things that you just want to know, even though they can't be confined to a single category. These are the things about preferences, how you talk about one another to others, and maybe even a wish or two thrown into the mix of questions to ask your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner.
- What is the first thing you noticed about me?
- What role does physical attraction play in whether or not you pursue a relationship?
- What type of scent do you like on a person?
- Would you say you have a "type"? Do I fit what you thought you were looking for?
- How do you describe me to other people?
- How do you think I should describe you to other people?
- What could I do for you that I don't do now?
- What is the first thing you think when you see me?
- What qualities make me special to you?
- Do you look at other men (women)?
- If you could have three wishes from me, what would they be?
- What goals do you have for us?
- What was the first thing you thought when you met me?
- How would you respond if my appearance drastically changed, either overnight (new haircut and different hair color, for example) or over time (more/less muscle, weight gain/loss)?
- What is something you think is true about me, but you've never asked to confirm?
- How big of a deal are special occasions for you?
Deep Questions for Couples to Build Emotional Intimacy
Building your emotional connection often involves choosing to be vulnerable with one another. We're talking really taking a risk here. Share your fears and worries and put yourself out there in a way that risks rejection. It can pay off big time in emotional intimacy if you're vulnerable like that.
- What were you afraid of as a kid? What are you afraid of now?
- Do you ever worry about us breaking up? How can I help you feel better?
- What kinds of things make your heart skip a beat? Am I one?
- What do you worry about at night?
- What was the last dream you had about me?
- In what ways are you still a child inside?
- What's something you haven't told me because you're afraid I might judge it?
- How do you think being hurt has made you more or less willing to be vulnerable in a relationship?
- What part of yourself do you not love but need me to love?
- How can I make you feel emotionally safe?
- What's the first thing you remember as a kid? How did you feel in that memory?
Questions About the Past
Before you can move forward with your partner, you want to know about their past. If you're planning to be intimate or stay together for a long time (maybe even get married), you should feel comfortable asking anything you feel you should know or whatever you're curious about. Remember, asking these questions will open the gate to your past as well.
- Have you ever cheated on a partner? If not, have you considered it but changed your mind?
- How many past partners have you had?
- Did you debate whether or not to ask me out? Why would you have chosen not to?
- What were you thinking on our first date?
- Have you ever been in love before me? Will you tell me about that person if you have?
- Who is your role model in life? Who is your role model in love?
- What did it feel like when you realized you were in love with me?
- Do you think we were so destined to be together, that if we hadn't decided to date when we did and lost touch, we'd run into each other again? Or do you think meeting was luck?
- What were you looking for when you found me? Were you looking for love at all?
Serious Questions About the Future
Want to know if you and your lover are compatible long-term? Ask the hard questions about where things are going. Go as far into the future as you feel like you should, but keep the current length of your relationship in mind (and the plans you've already discussed). After all, you don't want to ask about things like financial planning for retirement if you've only been dating a few weeks, or you may give the wrong impression.
- Where do you see this relationship headed in the next year? What about the next five years?
- What is your opinion on marriage and children?
- Would you stay with me if you found out I was unable to bear children? How would this affect us?
- What are your job or career goals, and how could they affect our relationship?
- Where do you see yourself living when you retire?
- I want to be a good lover, and I want to be there for you. What can I do for you to be that person?
- How do you imagine a day in the life of us married with kids? What about a week in the life?
- What are your thoughts on having our elderly parents live with us if they can't live on their own one day?
- How do you plan to save for retirement? What are your goals?
- What kind of memories would you like to make with me?
Intimate Questions About Love
People express love in so many different ways; it's important to get a good understanding of what will speak to your partner's heart. You also probably have questions for your potential mate about their thoughts and feelings (past and present) on love.
- What can I do to show you how much I love you?
- Do you believe in soulmates? What about love at first sight?
- Have you ever been hurt in the past and questioned the possibility of love?
- When did you realize you were in love with me?
- Do you see our love lasting? Do you ever have any doubts?
- If you had to choose, would you rather receive a gift or have someone do something nice or helpful for you?
- Do you like sentimental gifts or do you always want a gift to have a practical purpose and be something you need?
- How do you think you best express love?
- What types of compliments do you like to hear?
Juicy Questions for Couples About Intimacy
Intimacy is an important part of any serious relationship. It's not all about what goes on in the bedroom, but it's a big deal. There are things you can do outside of the bedroom or nights you can plan based on your significant other's fantasies, and asking a few juicy questions can help you learn these details. Don't be shy. If you want to know something and build intimacy, just ask.
- Is our relationship physical enough for you? What would make it better in your eyes?
- How and where do you like to be touched? Are there any places I don't know about?
- Do you have any fantasies you would like fulfilled?
- What are your thoughts on toys?
- Is there anything we haven't tried that you'd like to?
- Ideally (and a bit realistically, too), how often would you like for us to be intimate?
- What are some things I can do outside of the bedroom to keep the feelings of intimacy going all day?
- Would you like me to be more or less assertive in the bedroom?
- What kind of fantasies did you have before you met me?
- How can I make you feel seen and accepted when we're intimate together?
- What is something about your intimate history you've never told anyone before?
Intimate Text Questions to Ask Your Partner
Texting is a major form of communication for many couples, so it's no surprise that intimate conversation can happen via text (we're not just talking sexting either). It might even be easier to ask intimate questions via text if you're someone who becomes embarrassed with intimate conversation when face-to-face. Try some of these text questions to initiate some intimate conversation.
- What do you miss most about me right now?
- What's something you've always wanted to say to me but couldn't?
- What would you like me to do the next time we're together?
- Where would you like me to kiss you?
- What is the closest you've ever felt to me?
- What one word would you like to be the theme of our relationship?
- How can I be a better partner to you?
When you pose an intimate question for your partner, you need to be open to listening. You may get an answer you are surprised by or don't want to hear. It's important not to judge your partner. If you find yourself upset or surprised, take a moment to digest what your partner has told you before responding. Remember, the two of you are not going to agree on everything.
Choose What You Want to Know
Open communication is often the key to lasting love. Keep in mind your partner may want to ask you intimate questions in return, so be ready to answer them. Relationships are give-and-take, after all. If you need to lighten the mood after opening up to one another, try a few random yes or no questions for a laugh. And if you'd like to get inspired with even more questions, there are some things to ask your girlfriend that could also be adapted for any partner.