40 Fabulously Funny Responses to "How Are You?"

We guarantee these answers will get some real laughs.

Published May 6, 2024
Group of young and diverse friends having coffee together in a cafe or bar

Sure, you can always go with the standard "fine" or "good," but why would you when you can try out some funny responses to "how are you" and get some laughs? Whether you're texting or talking, these creative and hilarious answers will make people smile.

Funny Responses to "How Are You?" on the Phone or In Person

If you're chatting with a friend on the phone or see someone in passing, you can crack them up with a the right response to their question of how you're doing. Try one of these lines:

  1. Can't complain, though it doesn't tend to stop me.
  2. Compared to what?
  3. Pretty early in the day to tell right now, but I'm optimistic.
  4. If I knew for sure, I'd tell you first.
  5. Losing my marbles but getting distracted anyway.
  6. As happy as a dog that discovers the lid of the trash can.
  7. Why? Who's been talking about me?
  8. I see you over there trying to be all social.
  9. Good enough that I deserve a cookie!
  10. Living the dream!
  11. Not sure yet, but I'll get back to you when I've finished computing the data.
  12. Made it through the morning with everyone still smiling, so I think I'm winning.
  13. As overwhelmed as a preschool teacher on the day after Halloween.
  14. Ready for Friday and remembering it's Monday morning.
  15. Still trying to figure out the answer to that.

Funny Ways to Respond to "How Are You?" Over Text

One of the easiest ways to check in over to text is to send a simple "How are you?" The standard response is "fine" or "great," but you've got other options:

  1. So far, so good, but the day is only getting started.
  2. Having a way better day than I deserve!
  3. I'm not not well, so I think that's a good sign.
  4. This chocolate cupcake says I'm doing great!
  5. Just like you but cooler.
  6. I've got an entire bag of M&Ms. Does that answer your question?
  7. My dog thinks I'm amazing, so I'm going with that.
  8. Ready for the weekend!
  9. Weirder than weird. How are you?
  10. Better than I have any right to be.
  11. My teacher says there's room for improvement.
  12. As tired as a dog chasing its own tail.
  13. The weather app says "mostly sunny," and I think that might be about me.
  14. It's a middle-of-the-road day, but I sense a turn coming.
  15. Just over here drinking all the coffee. Sorry I didn't save you any.

Related: 35+ Ways to Respond to a "How Are You?" Text

Funny and Flirty Answers to "How Are You?"

If your partner asks how you are, the perfect answer is usually a little flirty. If you can be flirty and funny at the same time, consider that a double win. These are some of our favorite ways to answer that special someone:

  1. I'm not really sure. I think you should come check.
  2. Am I allowed to say I'm better with you around?
  3. Not as wonderful as you, but I try.
  4. I'm prepared to answer all your questions. I just need you to take me out to dinner first.
  5. Does your question come with flowers? Because it might affect the answer.
  6. If you're lucky, I might let you find out.
  7. I can't answer. That's a secret.
  8. I'm actually more interested in hearing your answer to that question. Pretend I asked you first.
  9. So, so hungry. Can I please take you out to dinner?
  10. Not as good looking as you.
Quick Tip

Funny answers to standard questions are funny because they're unexpected. What you say is going to be amusing if it breaks the pattern of "fine, how are you?"

Change Up Your Answers to "How Are You?"

Whether you're talking on the phone or texting with your crush, you can get some smiles with a funny response to "How are you?" It's all about the unexpected, so change things up with different answers every time someone asks you.

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40 Fabulously Funny Responses to "How Are You?"