5 Hacks I Use to Build Deeper Friendships

Having a history that goes back years isn't the only way to get close friendships.

Published February 4, 2025
Group of friends bonding at home

We spend a lot of time working on building deeper and closer romantic relationship, but our friendships actually deserve just as much of our attention. Partners come and go, but some of our best friendships can last a lifetime.

I used to find it really difficult to turn a casual friendship into something with real depth, but over the years, I've figured out a few real-world hacks to make it easier. There's no shortcut to greater intimacy with our friends, but there are some simple ways to help your bond grow.

1. Be Vulnerable

Brené Brown has it right: being vulnerable is a powerful way to connect. When we share a little bit more of who we are, we open up the chance for a deeper bond.

For instance, I recently told one of my best friends about how I can't watch videos of my grandma without crying. She passed away nine years ago, and I was talking about how it was kind of weird that it still affected me so much. But then my friend started talking about how her dad's death had affected her – not in the same way but just as deeply. At the end of the conversation, we were closer.

2. Show Up, Even to Little Things

When my good friend's mom died, I went to the funeral. But when he had a piece of art in a gallery show, I went to that too. Friends usually show up for big life events like weddings and memorial services, but when you come to smaller things, it signifies a closer relationship. Showing up says that this person is important to you.

Watch for opportunities to show your support. If your friend is a guest on a podcast, listen. If they get a promotion at work, take them out for coffee or dinner. It's all about showing you care.

Quick Tip

Showing up can also mean saying yes to invitations. If someone asks you to hang out, that was a moment of vulnerability for them. If you say yes, you're accepting that as the gift it is.

3. Be Your Weird Self

Most of us have grown up with some pressure to be "normal," but the more we live in this world, the more we realize that no one actually is normal. In theory, everyone knows that being authentic is way more important than being like everyone else, but it's kind of hard to put that in practice. It takes some bravery, but being a weirdo with your friends lets them know you trust them.

I have spent a lot of my life trying to fit in, but at some point, I just started letting my friends see how weird I am. I don't hide that I have music anhedonia or hate chocolate. Seeing me be real lets them know I really value their friendship.

4. Tell Them How Much They Mean to You

When you're in a romantic relationship, it's part of the program to talk about how much your partner means to you. But in a platonic friendship, no one really has that expectation. It's still a really important thing to do, though. Letting your friends know you care about them makes them feel secure and happy in your friendship (and lets your bond become closer).

Recently, a couple of my friends and I were coming up with super out-there ideas for photographs (we're all photographers), and one of my friends said, "I love us." It was so sweet and expressed how much she values the relationship we have.

Related: 80+ Thankful for Your Friendship Quotes to Show Your Appreciation

5. Refer Back to Things They Said and Did

Feeling like we're really being seen is a valuable emotion – in any kind of relationship. You can show your friends you see them in a lot of ways, but one of the easiest is to refer back to a previous conversation you had or something they did. This lets them know you were listening and paying attention.

At coffee recently, I was talking to one of my close friends about social media, and I mentioned something she said a couple years ago about how people can enjoy writing or making art and don't always need an audience for their words and pictures. That signaled to her that I listened to what she said and remembered it because it was significant.

Time Isn't the Only Way to Get Deep Friendships

Getting closer, deeper friendships takes time, but there are some ways to make that time shorter. Sharing your real self, being vulnerable, and showing you care can be just what your friendship needs to grow.

5 Hacks I Use to Build Deeper Friendships