As human beings, we're one flawed bunch. In the right situations with the perfect conditions, all of us can be deceitful, defensive, mean, and passive aggressive, and we're most likely to lash out at the people we love most. Instead of letting your mouth do the talking to patch things up, try writing a genuine apology letter to your boyfriend to mend your messes.
Getting Started With an Apology Letter to Your Boyfriend
Remorse can be such a visceral feeling and yet impossible to communicate. When you're trying to apologize, you might trip up on your words, accidentally put your foot in your mouth, and make things worse than they already were.
One way you can really think through what you want to say and how you want to say it is by writing your boyfriend an apology letter. And while the written word can be a lawless place, there are some rules you should follow before sitting down to pour your heart out.
Acknowledge Your Mistakes
The phrase "I'm sorry" is a hollow place holder and it doesn't actually say anything about what you're sorry for or how your view of the situation's changed. Every apology letter benefits from some humble pie. Don't just give vague platitudes; instead, make sure that you actually acknowledge what you did wrong.
Don't Write It if You Don't Mean It
Don't write your boyfriend an apology letter if you're not seriously sorry for the situation. If you're writing one just because you don't like conflict, don't want them to be upset with you, or are frustrated with how it's upended your day, you're doing so for the wrong reasons. So, instead of ruining more of their trust, only put to a pen to paper if you actually mean it.
Avoid Getting Overly Defensive
It's one thing to want to explain your point-of-view or the reasons for your actions, but it's another thing entirely to get defensive when compiling an apology letter. While you can explain your side of the story, it shouldn't take up the bulk of your apology letter. Too much explanation may sound like you're making excuses, but not giving any context might create a scenario where your side isn't even considered. Instead, scale back on getting defensive and focus on the apology part of the letter instead.
End Your Letter With New Expectations for Yourself
Apologies are all good and well, but what people really like is to see the behavior that instigated the argument or conflict change. Commit yourself to serious change by writing it in your apology letter. A great place to add your new expectations is towards the end.
Finally, Don't Expect It to Fix Everything Right Away
An apology letter is a great non-confrontational way to show you're genuinely remorseful, but it's not a cure-all for the situation at hand. Unfortunately, it might take days, weeks, or months for your boyfriend to fully forgive you. But giving him an apology letter is a good way to extend an olive branch.
Sample Apology Letters to Reconcile With Your Boyfriend
Sitting down with the intention of writing an apology letter is one thing, but actually getting yourself to do it is another. Writing can be hard, especially when you've got a bunch of conflicting emotions jumbling up your thoughts. It's okay to spend a few minutes crumbling up papers and tossing them in the trashcan like you're in a dramatic film. But, if you want to expedite the process, use one of these sample apology letters to build off of.
Letter to Apologize for Being Thoughtless or Hurting His Feelings
Let's face it - no one's perfect and there are lots of things people do and say that hurt the people they love the most. If you need to say you're sorry for saying or doing something thoughtless, or for hurting his feelings, these apology paragraphs for your boyfriend can be a start.
Dear [Their Name],
I want to apologize for the way the way I talked to you today. I know I let my emotions get the better of me and it hurt your feelings. There is no one on Earth that I would rather be with every day, and your thoughts and ideas are incredibly valuable to me.
I know I tend to like things a certain way, and to be honest, it can make me feel a little vulnerable to be making decisions with you. It's not an excuse for the way I acted, but I do want you to know I plan on working on how I communicate my feelings to you so you can see how much I really do respect and value who you are as a person.
Sample Apology Letter for a Stress-Induced Argument
We all get stressed sometimes and lash out at the people we love most. Tell them you're sorry with a heartfelt, written apology letter like this one:
Dear [Their Name],
There's no excuse for the way I just kept snapping at you today. Thinking back on it, I realized that I came out of the gate ready for a fight and kept prodding you until it turned into one. Just because I'm stressed about work and managing all of my other responsibilities doesn't mean I should have taken it out on you.
It really hurts me to think about how much my callousness hurt you because you're the last person I'd want to cause any pain. I promise I'll find another way to let out my stress instead of targeting you with it in the future.
Sample Apology Letter for Lying
Lying is just a part of human nature, and sometimes we lie thinking we're doing the right thing. If you've lied to your boyfriend, try to apologize using a letter like this:
Dear [Their Name],
I've really betrayed your trust by lying to you, and that's unacceptable. In trying to protect you from hearing the truth, which I knew was going to cause you pain, I ended up doubling the blow. I shouldn't have taken your agency from you by deciding what was best instead of just telling you the truth from the jump. I promise I won't take advantage of your trust again, and I'll be honest in the future.
I understand if you need time to trust me again, but I'd like it if you could give me the chance to regain your trust.
Sample Apology Letter for Taking an Argument Too Far
In the right circumstances, everyone can take their jabs too far. Write an apology letter like this one to be a balm to your boyfriend's emotional wounds:
I let my tongue get the best of me this time, huh? I really shouldn't have said those last few barbs because, by that point, I was only trying to hurt you. I know we both got worked up, but I really won the trophy on taking things too far. I should have walked away when I could tell we weren't going to get anywhere tonight, but instead I dug my heels in. I'll work on giving myself some space from the situation to avoid hurting you again like I hurt you tonight.
I know you probably need some time to yourself for a bit, and I get that. Let me know when you'd like to talk about all of this, because I'd really like to apologize you in person, too.
All my love,
An Apology Goes a Long Way
When you love someone very much, there are a lot of things you'll forgive. Usually, the one caveat to caving is getting a heartfelt apology. If you think you can't craft the right words in person, try writing your boyfriend an apology letter instead.