If you're looking to end the year with a bang of laughter, we have a collection of cheery New Year's jokes that are sure to cure your auld langxiety. You'll also find some funny things to say on New Year's Day so that you can start your new year off right!
New Year's Eve Jokes to Ring in the Laughs Before the Ball Drops
Don't let your fun drop like the Times Square ball! These funny New Year's jokes are sure to keep people sparkling with excitement well into January.
Where should you go to practice math on New Year's Eve?
Do you have a date for New Year's Eve?
I do! It's December 31st!
Did you hear about the guy who proposed to his girlfriend on New Year's Eve?
Talk about a great way to ring in the New Year!
Why should you never celebrate New Year's Eve like a New Yorker?
They always drop the ball!
Why should you never celebrate New Year's Eve with confetti?
Its plans always fall flat!
Do you know why people drink champagne on New Year's Eve?
It tastes incredibubble!
Why does Elsa love to celebrate the New Year with sky lanterns?
Because she loves to let things go!
Why should you go with a confetti theme for a last-minute New Year's Eve party?
You can just throw it together!
Why do you want it to be chilly on New Year's Eve?
So you can celebrate the holiday in a cool way!
Did you hear about the champagne who went into labor on New Year's Eve?
She was ready to pop!
What is the best snack to tide you over until the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve?
A Dick Clark Bar!
How do ducks like to celebrate New Year's Eve?
By setting off fire quackers!
Happy New Year Jokes to Start the Year With a Smile
Once the clock strikes midnight, don't let everyone's grins turn into pouts. Make sure to keep on doling out funny New Year's jokes!
Why do you think this last year seems like a blur?
Your resolution must have been too low!
Why should you always try to be like the New Year's Day parade?
It always makes the right moves!
What happens when you drink too much champagne on New Year's Eve?
Your New Year's Day starts with cham-pain!
Why should you eat breakfast at 12:01 AM on New Year's Day?
It is the perfect time for a New Year's toast!
I woke up early to watch the New Year's Day parade, but it still hasn't started yet...
Let's get this show on the road!
Did you know that if you eat 12 grapes on New Year's Eve it will bring good luck in the following year?
Just doing my part to raisin awareness so that people can have a grape year!
Did you know that in Europe it is also good luck to eat leafy greens on New Year's Day?
There are a lot of vegetables kaled that day.
As you make your New Year's resolutions on the first day of the year, guess what criminals are doing?
Making their New Year's restitutions.
New Year's Resolution Jokes to Keep You Grinning
We all have high hopes that the new year will bring us chances to better ourselves, but many times those lists of self-improvement goals sit idly by on our shelves. Thankfully, New Year's resolution jokes can bring you some grins, even when your aspirations become anything but wins!
Why did the man go to the doctor on New Year's Eve?
He was having auld langietxy about what his New Year's resolutions should be!
Why should you watch the New Year's Eve fireworks show to figure out your resolutions?
The display is always ins-pyro-ing!
What is a New Year's resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other!
Why should you never ask confetti for New Year's resolution ideas?
They are way too scattered!
Why did the paper go to the gym in the new year?
His New Year's resolution was to get shredded like confetti!
Why should you always make a New Year's resolution to be like Dr. Frankenstein?
Because it's always good to make new friends!
Want to know why I decided to not give up my bad habits in the New Year?
Because no one likes a quitter!
Did you hear about the British man who lost 300 pounds this last year?
He forgot to cancel his gym membership after giving up on his New Year's resolution to work out more.
My New Year's resolution is to be like a calendar.
They always have a ton of dates!
I asked Siri if there was anyone who actually follows through with their New Year's revolutions. Want to know what she told me?
"Yes. The Earth."
Why are soccer players the worst at following through with their New Year's resolutions?
Because they always seem to be running away from their goals!
A great way to follow through with your New Year's resolutions is to make them as a group. Family resolutions are a great idea because everyone in the household can hold each other accountable, making sure that everyone's goals are met.
End-of-Year Jokes to Get You Giggling Before the Year Is Through
There are only five days between Christmas and New Year's, but the wait can seem like forever. These end-of-year jokes can help you to pass the time before the ball drops!
What did the champagne say when he found out that he was invited to the end-of-year party?
I'll be there in a prosecco!
Who looks forward to the new year the most?
The calendar companies!
Want to know what you can always expect in the new year?
365 more days!
Why do calendars always live the last week of December like it's their last?
Because their days are numbered!
Did you hear about the two neighbors in Calgary who got in a fight the day after Christmas?
I guess it shouldn't be a surprise ... it is Boxing Day!
Why are snowmen the worst dates at the end of December?
They are likely to flake on you!
Why does everyone seem to go to the doctor at the end of the year?
They get the chills!
What did the weasel say when he opened a bottle of bubbly at the end of the year?
If the last day of this year ends up the last day of the world, do you know what you should do at midnight?
Find someone to kiss on the apocolypse!
What do you do if you get lost at the end of the year trying to find the best New Year's party to attend?
Look for an Auld Lang sign!
Funny Things to Say on New Year's Day
If you are looking for some outstanding one-liners for your New Year's Day captions, we have the perfect punny toasts for the new year!
- We de-partied the year like it was 1999!
- Don't worry — we didn't drop the ball when the clock stuck midnight.
- Wishing that all of your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions did this last year!
- I hope that your New Year's Eve was a night to December!
- My New Year's revolution is to not use autocorrect in the new year.
- Want to know the biggest con of celebrating New Year's? The con-fetti!
- My New Year's resolution is to stop procrastinating. I'm planning to start tomorrow!
- My New Year's Toast: Here's to a year that isn't so crumby. Last year, our plans went a rye and we deserve butter. In the new year, let's go against the grain and stop loafing around. So come on now, get bready for this year! I think it’s scone to be loaves of fun!
New Year's Jokes & Puns Can Make Celebrations Even Better
New Year's is a time to celebrate the start of a brand new chapter. As we say goodbye to the current year and usher in the next, you may be looking for ways to brighten your spirits and motivate yourself to aim big in the new year. What better way to do that than with some funny New Year's jokes and puns?
If you're looking for some more silliness to squeeze in before the new year, make sure to check out our December jokes to help you close out the month with a grin.